one of those days,

Thousand things in my mind.
Hundreds of things I wanna blog about.

I used t dream nd fantize about my future wedding. Since I was young, watching those soap drama with beautiful brides dressed in gorgeous white gowns walking down th aisle with th love of their life awaiting them at th other end. I'd start t fantize how I'm gonna be that bride one day.
But as I grow up, as I experience many different things I never thought I would when young, th dream of a perfect white grandeur wedding starts t fade..
Nonetheless, I still harbour th dream of having a white wedding. Until recently. I start t be afraid. Afraid of what, you might ask.

Perhaps of giving promises. Perhaps of leading life with someone else. Perhaps of th responsibility that comes along after th vow. Perhaps of th fact that marriage doesn't guarantee anything. Too many perhaps.

I used t be very excited about having kids after marriage. Seeing those kids running around at th playgrounds playing, makes me smile. Watching them play would make me think about my kids in th future..
How would they look like, resembles me more or their father? Would they be good nd healthy?
Until recently.
I start t be afraid. Again you might ask, afraid of what.

Afraid of th responsibilty t take care of them. Afraid that I won't be able t give them th best. Afraid that I won't be able t love them wholeheartedly. Afraid that I won't be able t protect them from bad. Afraid that I'm not up t th job of being a mother. Too many afraid of.

Until recently. I realise how heavy a person's shoulder can be, from th amont of responsibilties he carries. I've been thinking for th past few days, obligations nd responsibilities. Are they on par? What's th relationship between them?
Would you rather live miserably but live up t th obligations nd responsibilities you have OR would you rather live happily denying every responsibilty nd obligations you have but being labeled as selfish?

好不想长大。I don't wanna grow up. Don't wanna have so many responsibility on my shoulders. Don't wanna have t second guess people's intention or words. Don't wanna believe that not every one is good. Don't wanna have t find a reason t smile.
I wanna believe that people who gives me a piece of their favourite cookie cos they're my friend. I wanna believe that people says nothing but th truth, only. I wanna be free from troubles. I wanna be able t speak my mind without being judged.

Remember when..
getting high meant on a swing,
protection meant wearing a helmet,
the worst thing you could get from GUYS were cooties,
Mum was your only hero,
Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth,
worst enemies were your siblings,
th only drug you knew was cough medicine,
wearing a mini skirt didn't mean you were a slut,
only thing that would hurt you were skinned knees,
only thing that could be broken were your toys nd
goodbyes only meant until tomorrow..

好想回到小时候，好不想长大。。

带我走 到遥远的以后

Take me away with you, t th faraway
future

带走我 一个人自转的寂寞

Take me away, away from loneliness

带我走 就算我的爱 你的自由都将成为泡沫

Take me away with you, even if my love nd your
freedom gonna disappear like bubbles

我不怕 带我走

I'm not afraid, take me away

Day91.