The Pact

There was nothing left to say.       He covered her body with his, and as she put her arms around him she could picture him in all his incarnations: age five, and still blond; age eleven, sprouting; age thirteen, with the hands of a man. The moon rolled, sloe–eyed in the night sky; and she breathed in the scent of his skin."I love you,"she said.       He kissed her so gently she wondered if she had imagined it. She pulled back slightly, to look into his eyes.       And then there was a shot.

Can you imagine you love someone so deeply & so much that you can't picture yourself without them?

That whn you close your eyes t see yourself, you never do that without picturing that person right next t you?

Can you imagine you love somebody so much that you're willing to do anything they ask of you? 

Even if it meant murder.

Chris & Em were joined at th hips & from their earliest memory, they always had each other. 

They were each other's other half.

But Em is keeping a secret from everyone. Her family, her friends & even her other half.

So much so that she couldn't stand living & wanted Chris t help her end her life.

Like any other JP's novel, when I was reading The Pact, I was enthralled by th story & couldn't put th book down.

Th fear nd loneliness Chris felt during th 7 months when he was jailed, th way you struggle t go t th funeral of your beloved but you just can't cuz you're suspected of being th murderer, th way you hurt whn you read about Em's sufferings,

th determination Gus had & all she wanted t was t save her son but her husband was not supportive, & th struggle Chris went through before he shot Em. It's like you could feel it. 

Like you could understand & feel how they felt.

You don't really know if Chris shot Em until you finish th book. 

In between here & there, I did wonder. If th person you love deeply was suffering & was begging you t end their suffering, what would you do?

Especially if it meant having them leaving you. I don't know if I'd be strong as Chris.

He loved Em so much that he could bear th pain & sufferings himself, but he could not bear hers.

He knew that saving her would mean killing her but he still did it.

He loved her that much t put her pain before his & stayed behind t be called a murderer, even though all he did

was t relieve his loved one from pain.

Many a time throughout th book, I stopped & wonder if I could do it. I wonder if I could take it, being left behind,

w th scene haunting me & being tried w people calling me murderer even though all I ever wanted was t free my loved one from his pain & agony.

I've read 5 of JP's novel & each time I finish reading one, I'd go into a withdrawal.

Whn I read My Sister's Keeper, I was completely drawn to it. Th impact it left was huge. & I started wondering about many things.

Now that I've finished this (& am about t embark on House Rules), I feel ashamed.

I don't know if I could pull th trigger if my beloved asked me to. I don't know if I would hate him for leaving me behind (not that Chris didn't hate Em for doing that, but he got over it as soon as he had that thought cuz he loved her that much)

It may be as selfish, but I'd rather he be here & I'd suffer his pain w him rather than helping him t die & live as an empty soul.

Love is about being able to put th person before yourself & Chris did that. He overcame his fear of living w/o Em, being called a murderer & put her wish (of dying) as priority & fulfilled her wish.

I love Eric. But my love for him, is not th same as Chris had loved Em. I belong t th selfish clan.

I'm not saying what Chris did was right. In fact, I agreed w his actions. 

But I just don't think I have th courage t do it & I feel weak for my feeling&actions doesn't go together.